haaaaaeeeeyy,
what’s going on ladies and gentles
my dear friends and many steepin’ tea peepin’
brand new cake drop peepin’ compatriots

Welcome to an exciting audio journey
a journey that will take you from heaven to shell and back


my name is herb the turtle

I am here pokin’ my head out to say hi
to the sky
and the wise guys
the small fries
and the timid voice shy eyed
stay at home sippers

your welcome here gimme a high high flipper


When you call my name
don’t go easy on the H

I am not basil
I am not sage

I am not a plant that you grow
I am grown
been around the globe
met a lot of folks


I got stains on my shell
I been through tough times but i’ve handled it well
well..

my memory is sharp but I don’t like to dwell
i prefer to focus on the great personnel

that have steeped with me
it sure beats a cage or a tank or the sea

I’ve sure taken baths in a lot of tea
you think you’ve had more? well lets check and see


I was fired at the proper cone I’m vitrified
which makes me the perfect teapet to sit beside

I mean, I think a lot of people are just so visually focused you know?
they see pics of me floating around on the great webbed inter-web and they’re like, what a perfect teapet you know?

Like, Herb couldn’t possibly be a complex creature with hopes and fears and dreams like the rest of us.. ahh how nice it must be to just travel around without a care in the world.

I mean, just for context.. think about the circumstances that culminated in my arrival on this crazy planet we all have to call home.

I was born on April 1st of 2020. Think about yourself and your own experience during that time? happy go lucky? care free? I think not!





Life underneath a shell isn’t all that great sometimes
you gotta balance rain with the sunshine

life is not cloud 9 baby
life is not cloud 9


picture this

sittin in a miserable existence
they don’t treat you fragile
no matter how it’s written

or stamped in red letters
their job is send letters

and parcels
by the armful
us parcels
we carpool

in a janky white van
with no suspension
the driver think their headed for recession
not to mention

AC broke down like a week ago
i hear all the complaints because they blast it on the speaker phone

no one asked Herb
how Herb wanna travel

soon as I come all up out
my shell then I’m a hassle

now your baffled

how a tiny little turtle made a clay could get unraveled

I’m sick of being bashful
sick of non direct routes that take me through Seattle

like, throw me in the Sound I would rather paddle
what? I’m agile
I’ll put the little sample
in my satchel

it’s waterproof
I promise that I’ll follow through




sailing out to sea
is not all it’s cracked up to be

I miss the USPS baby

I been out here waaaay to long

im lonely


oh you like miso soup
you like those little square chunks of tofu?
you like the little strips of seaweed?
you like wakame?
you like nori?

well imagine tryna swim to a tea head
while a legion worth of kelp tryna pull you in the deep depths.
it’s not fun my friends
and I would never do it again.

but since I’m here,
I might as well make a few friends

and since I’m here
i might as well get comfortable bein’
aquatic

it’s awkward

I don’t swim a lot
honestly I don’t really swim a lot


all those beautiful handcrafted trays
made from bamboo have really nice drainage systems


so while the rinse cascades over my neck
i just plant my feet and rest

now I’m like wow it gets real real dark at these depths
mic check


this is not a song
in the strictest sense

but you can sing along
with me and the sediments

this is not a song
in the strictest sense

but you can sing along
with me and the sediments

vibe to these trumpets

its slow down here
it’s slow down here
it’s slow down here

this is not a song
in the strictest sense

but you can sing along
with me and the sediments

this is not a song
in the strictest sense

but you can sing along
with me and the sediments

vibe to these trumpets

its slow down here
it’s slow down here
it’s slow down here


open up open up
let me in

I’m finally here
thanks for your patience

open up open up
let me in

knock knock knock on the door
knock knock knock on the front door

i been on the road for a while
feel like a whole lifetime
when I was out there in the wild
I didn’t eat right, sleep, tea right


tea right
that is the way to my heart

pour it from high in an arc

and i will receive it
if you got a splash and don’t need it
give it to me its

kind of a longterm project
to get my shell from lightness to darkness

plus I’m thirsty
from all of this journey
wash me clean I’m dirty
don’t worry
you cannot burn me

that’s the beauty of a kiln
my skin is thick
I’ll go gram for gram
I’ll go sip for sip


You know, maybe it’s cliche, but it’s true.
I am me. I’m a turtle. Objectively speaking, i’m
about the size of an AirPods case.

I’m made of clay.
bisque fired. glazed. and fired again.

I’m green, but i’m a muted green. Which is fine. life is not about being overly vibrant or neon or glow in dark or anything else.
Life is about, well, at least for me, life is about finding your place.

Carving out a space that feels safe, that feels like home. A place to go, a place to be, a place to rest.

It’s not always easy, I know that. But knowing it, is only half the battle.

The other half is what you do with that knowledge. You know?

How do you work with it. How do you let it inside you. How do you take small steps each day, at your pace, to make the world better.

Not only for you, but for the ones you love, and for everyone.


the point of cleaning up the mess
is so it all makes sense

sorry if the mixtape thus far
has been a bit intense

i’ll try to lighten up
while I write this stuff
and what’s better for that than nice hot cup

of tieguanyin
I love it
tieguanyin
want some more of it

iron goddess of mercy your flavor is bursting

is this what you wanted?
some ad ad blab blab
herb is the bee in your bonnet

i’m sick of not not not not being honest
life isn’t fair and life isn’t promised
if you thought lil turtle was a dumbo
then you’re probably astonished

let me hit you with a few statistics
being made of clay that’s a risky business

lot of folks crack while they’re drying
no time to spend mourning or crying
we’re firing

hop in the hot hot oven
human hands put us in there like it’s nothing

but woo, it feel like the surface of sun
and takes a few days to be done

um

picture this
darkness
like a deep night sky but starless


and you never know when it gon’ end
or if its gon’ end

is it gon’ end?


and the glaze is gettin’ like glass like
make a slow turtle want a fast life

cuz in fast life
they like
lift the lid

and let some fre fre fre fre fresh air in


god send
even if you agnostic
you gon’ pray for the arctic
this hotness
it makes you neurotic


relax, relax
i survived to tell the tale via raps

when the temp went to max
I thought I would crack

so much time has elapsed
I guess I’ve got the knack

And now I
now I nap
on the daily, daily
opposites attract
so I laugh real gayly



tryna manifest a person
deep up in despair
so I can tell em’ what it’s like to go through shell
and then breathe clean air


maybe you’re that person
maybe you’ve been searchin’
maybe all your over exertion
isn’t workin’

maybe your problems just worsen
maybe that burden
is too heavy for one person

share the load
they say you reap what you sow
so you go and you go and you go
till you implode

and so they say that there’s an ending to the road
and if you just pick up the pace a bit then you could crack the code

but when it rains don’t be amazed by the rainbow
keep your eyes on the goal
chase that pot o’ gold

cuz if you stop to take in beauty you’ll get passed
you gotta go
you gotta go
fast


You can drink the rinse if you want to
but i’d prefer if you not doit
that’s my jam
yeah that’s my jam
the rinse is my jam

You can drink the rinse if you want to
but i’d prefer if you not do
that’s my jam
yeah that’s my jam
the rinse is my jam


this your gateway to nirvana
you can sip dust and detritus if you wanna

but if you don’t wanna
i’m right here for ya

tip it on me
tip it on me

I get saucy
I get splashy
that first round really make me happy

so if you’re not lovin’ it
give it to someone who is
a kind hearted low to the ground tortoise


named Herb or you can call me Herbo
a cool teapet and a friend and turtle
i’ve studied your face and I am not convinced
so if you’re not lovin’ it than give me that rinse

You can drink the rinse if you want to
but i’d prefer if you would not doit
that’s my jam
yeah that’s my jam
yeah the rinse is my jam

You can drink the rinse if you want to
but i’d prefer if you not do
that’s my jam
yeah that’s my jam
the rinse is my jam

this is absolutely an op ed piece
I have no desire to squash anyone’s small business dreams but at the same this is my mixtape

so if not here where else would I say my part and express myself.

so.. hot take alert.

over the two and a half short years of my life, I’ve noticed a general increase in the use of those metal filters (sometimes shaped like a leaf) that sit perched so perfectly resting on top of your gongdaobei

here’s the thing about those, when you strain away the little bit of leaf that come to rest in the bottom of the fair cup, it’s less likely that i’ll get a little bottom from each steep because you and your happy crew will be sippin’ it all the the through.

If i ruled the world… We’d do away with strainers. Just pour it on me.


go slow through life you could learn a lot
gong fu a lot you could learn a lot

spend more time with your teapets
spends more time with your teapot

aright


this is life through the eyes of a turtle
dabbling and travelin’ the world around

everybody gon’ come up on their hurtles
but you learn that what goes up must come down


don’t fight don’t fight gravity
i can’t race like a rabbit
can’t change my anatomy

and even if my producer likes swear words
i’ll do the mixtape with no profanity

change what you can
accept what you can’t

if you get a canvas
you better paint

if you get a lemon
make lemonade


cultivate your inner light and let it emanate

yeah